Focused on Fitness

My lack of success in the job field has led me to focus my efforts on other areas of my life that I actually have some control over--namely diet and exercise. I recently joined a neighborhood running club (despite hating running for most of my life) to train for a 5k event. I've also been doing some workout DVDs and am starting to see some results. Also, with the unseasonably warm weather we've been having, baby and I have been getting out for walks as often as we can. I'm hoping that these efforts will help me to find a different sort of fulfillment than the kind I anticipate receiving by becoming a productive member of society. Plus, it's a great opportunity to help me get rid of the last of my baby weight!

The Lawyer-Wife?

I came across yet another interesting article from Yahoo! Shine. This one's about the meaning of the term 'wife' and whether we should change the term as the role is being refined. One excerpt in particular struck a chord with me:

 In the very first issue of Ms. Magazine, Judy Syfer defined the traditional role:

I want a wife who will keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after my children, a wife who will pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who will see to it that my personal things are kept in their proper place so that I can find what I need the minute I need it. I want a wife who cooks the meals, a wife who is a good cook. I want a wife who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up …

That's not what I think of when I think of a 'wife.' It sounds more like a slave. Granted, I do take responsibility for many of these tasks in my own household, but my husband is more than capable of organizing his own personal things, thank you very much. I don't necessarily think 'partner' is a fair term either because, to me, it implies equality--and let's face it, no man participates equally in the household with a woman. If such a man exists, I would like to meet him and shake his hand.

To me, the term 'wife' refers to nothing other than a married woman. It doesn't come with a list of duties attached. And why should it? Does a man gain any additional responsibilities just because he becomes a 'husband'?

What I'd really like to know is where did all of these rules come from? Who decided that women should take over all of the essential daily duties? And what does that leave for the men to do--besides working outside the home? Maybe that means they have more time to enjoy some scotch and a cigar. But then when does the woman ever get a break? I'm finding myself torn between accepting the reality of the situation (that being a wife (in the traditional sense of the word) and a mother is a non-stop obligation) or fighting against it and trying to change the situation. What do you think?

The Terrible Almost-Twos

My daughter will be 21-months old tomorrow and is already exhibiting elements of that "terrible two" phase. She threw a total fit at Panera this afternoon because I wouldn't let her crawl on the floor. So much of the past couple weeks has been filled with her trying to assert her independence. Frankly, it's exhausting. She's been so laid-back that this new phase has been quite a shock to us. It's been especially tough now that my husband and I are back from our belated honeymoon and are having to settle in to our old routine with her.

Despite all the trials though, a week away has made me all the more excited and motivated to be the best stay-at-home mommy I can be. I'm trying to fill up our social calendar with playdates and outings to keep my daughter active and engaged. I'm also trying to maintain my motivation to keep up my job search efforts and find some additional energy to add in regular workouts. With any luck, all of this effort will leave both my daughter and I feeling happier and healthier in the coming months!

The Margaret Thatcher Dilemma

***SPOILER ALERT** The following post contains references to the recent film, "The Iron Lady" starring Meryl Streep. If you have not yet seen the movie, please do not read this post until you have done so. If you read on, please do not blame me if I happen to give something away. ***SPOILER ALERT***

I was surprised at how moved I was by "The Iron Lady." I really identified with many aspects of Margaret Thatcher's early life--her political goals and her refusal to be satisfied in the role of a housewife. Then the movie (and presumably also her life) took a turn. As her political star continued to rise, her family life seemed to fall apart. Her kids were barely depicted in the film (her son least of all) and are hardly mentioned in any of the brief biographies I've seen. While her political accomplishments were nothing short of inspirational, I found it devastatingly sad that she did not seem able to balance that success with her family life.

Which of course led me to think about my own situation. I am slowly but surely beginning to realize that if I ever hope to have a career in the legal field, I'm going to have to start somewhere. This means that I will at some point have to sacrifice time with my daughter to spend time doing something that I might not enjoy in the hope that putting in the time now will lead to a better situation in the future. I just don't see any way around it. I can't tell you how truly sad that thought makes me, but at least I know I'll be in good company.

Turning the Tables

These past few weeks I've been papering the legal community with resumes and cover letters all in the (in my mind unlikely) event that one of these contacts would turn into a job. For some reason I've thought of this process in a very dreamy, hypothetical way--as in, "Gee, it'd be really nice to have somewhere to go every morning and get paid for being there." Now, one of my attempts has turned into something more concrete--a job interview. All of a sudden, that whole going-to-work thing doesn't sound so fun anymore...and I haven't even been offered a position yet! My mind is swamped with other details, like what are my child care options? Will I still get to hang out with all my new mom friends? I'm actually lamenting the idea that I might not be able to go to playdates or storytime at the library or to Musikgarten class.

Most interviews involve the employer grilling you with questions (like, "Where do you see yourself in five years?). I know now that my experience will be different. Now I'm not just in it for the money (though it would certainly be nice). I need to find a role that is fulfilling enough to make it worth all that time away from my daughter. That's why tomorrow I'm going to be the one doing the interviewing.

Kairos moments

This article has popped up several times on my Facebook news feed (yes, I have returned!), so I thought I'd share it here too. It's a very well-written and humorous article about all the well-meaning but unsolicited advice some of us moms get from total strangers and the effect it has on our psyches.

Mainly the author points out that there's no need to feel pressured to cherish EVERY moment with your child. There will be moments of frustration, anxiety and even anger, which are only exacerbated by mommy guilt. For whatever reason, we feel like we should be happy and joyful all the time and that's just not a realistic goal. It's enough to at least recognize the good times when they happen and allow those moments to sustain us through the not-so good times.

I'm lucky that I get to experience these moments twice-over--once when they happen and then again when I relay them to my husband. Seeing his joy and pride when I tell him about our daughter's exploits makes me feel good not only because it makes him feel good, but it also makes me feel like I'm doing something right. So even if she refused to eat anything but goldfish crackers all day, the fact that she can sing 'Rock-a-bye Baby' to her dollies more than makes up for it.

Open Letter to Melissa and Doug

Dear Melissa and Doug,

Let me begin by saying what a big fan I am of your company and your products. Every Melissa and Doug item I've ever purchased has been of extremely high quality and has provided countless hours of entertainment for my child and others who have receive the toys as gifts. That said, I was a bit disappointed with the "Nina Ballerina" magnetic doll that my daughter received for Christmas this year. My issue is not with the quality but rather with the variety of accessories included--or lack thereof. I recently purchased the "Joey" magnetic doll for my nephew and realized that he has a wider variety of costume options than Nina does. Joey can take on any number of different roles, such as a knight or a police officer, whereas Nina is limited to only being a ballerina. I understand that her name should have been an indicator of the types of outfits that would be included, but I am curious as to why you did not provide as great a variety of clothes for her. Why can't she wear a doctor's coat or even a police officer's uniform like Joey does? Not only would such options give girls greater opportunities for the pretend play that the toy is meant to encourage, but it would also help to reinforce that girls are not limited in their career choices merely because of their gender. In fact, even Joey's outfit choices are a bit gender-biased. Why can't he dress as a nurse or a teacher or take on some other role traditionally occupied by women?

Most of your other toys are fairly gender-neutral, which is why the differences between the Nina and Joey dolls really stood out to me. The fact that you make any sort of "doll" that is geared toward boys is already a step in the right direction, in my opinion. I appreciate you taking my comments into account and look forward to seeing what other sorts of great-quality products your company will produce in the future.

Sincerely,

Attorney Mom