Among the numerous gifts my daughter received for Christmas were several baby dolls, a baby crib and a make-believe kitchen. I am still not sure how I feel about this. I suppose my misgivings are due to the sudden realization that I am indeed raising a girly-girl, despite my intentions.
In my life before parenting I always imagined that I would have a perfectly gender non-biased child. My kid, boy or girl, would play with dump trucks and dollies and be totally oblivious to gender roles or stereotypes. Now I actually have a kid who plays with dump trucks and dollies, except that the number of dollies far overwhelm the number of dump trucks. In fact, the dump truck she does have is pink and hauls around pretend diamonds.
I guess now I'll never know whether gender roles are truly learned or inherent. I've already polluted the experiment with frilly dresses and pink things. I'm comforted in my failure though by the sweet look on my daughter's face when she picks up her dolly and gives her a hug and pats her on the back. It doesn't so much matter whether I taught her to do that or if she picked it up on her own. She still has plenty of time to learn that her life does not have to be tied to the goings-on of a household unless she chooses it to be. For as exciting as it is to watch her explore her everyday surroundings, I am even more excited to watch her explore all the other possibilities that life has to offer.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Just another guilt trip...
When will we moms ever catch a break?
Apparently there's a new study out by Psychology Today indicating that they 'cry it out' method of infant sleep training can be psychologically harmful over the lifetime of the child. Now, we never had to use this method with our daughter, but I know people who have and for them it was the only thing that worked. With the emergence of this article, such parents will not only have to deal with the stress of training their children to fall asleep on their own, but will also have to face the guilt of the supposed long-term effects of the method they chose to do so.
The supposed long-term effects discussed in the article are said to be caused by 'undernurturing,' which supposedly results from not immediately responding to a child's nighttime cries. I am willing to predict that there will be a similar article out in the coming weeks that will say that children of working moms are also undernurtured and experience similar psychological effects as children who were sleep trained with the cry it out method.
Sounds to me like no matter what we do, we just can't win.
Apparently there's a new study out by Psychology Today indicating that they 'cry it out' method of infant sleep training can be psychologically harmful over the lifetime of the child. Now, we never had to use this method with our daughter, but I know people who have and for them it was the only thing that worked. With the emergence of this article, such parents will not only have to deal with the stress of training their children to fall asleep on their own, but will also have to face the guilt of the supposed long-term effects of the method they chose to do so.
The supposed long-term effects discussed in the article are said to be caused by 'undernurturing,' which supposedly results from not immediately responding to a child's nighttime cries. I am willing to predict that there will be a similar article out in the coming weeks that will say that children of working moms are also undernurtured and experience similar psychological effects as children who were sleep trained with the cry it out method.
Sounds to me like no matter what we do, we just can't win.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Side Note--Facebook Fast
On a non-mom related note, I came across this article that I wanted to share. I recently declared a Facebook Fast for the month of December. I was beginning to feel that my Facebook interactions were becoming my only means of staying in contact with people, and that those interactions were superficial at best. Beyond that, trolling the news feed was sucking up precious hours of my life. In the past (almost) two weeks of my Facebook-free life I have been able to devote more of my time to reading. I've since finished "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" by Stieg Larsson and "Room" by Emma Donoghue. Who knows if I'll go back at the end of the month.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Mommy Cards
Generally speaking, I don't pay much attention to the advertisements that litter the sidebars of my computer screen. However, one in particular recently caught my eye--an ad for "Mommy Cards."
No, these are not the sort of thing you send to your mother on her birthday. Rather, they are a business card-like construct that lists all the information you would need to set up a playdate. To view examples, see the link below.
I think these cards only serve to further blur the line between motherhood and a traditional career. While I can see the usefulness in them to a certain extent, I actually also find them a bit offensive. There is a large part of me that would like to establish an identity for myself outside of my home and family life. Being known to the world at large as "Mom of So-and-so" doesn't exactly aid in that effort. I guess my true source of discomfort with this "Mommy Card" phenomenon is that it seems like just another way to inflict guilt on us career-minded mothers. They seem to indicate that our kids should be our careers, our business, our lives. Is it so wrong for me to want more than that?
http://www.vistaprint.com/mommy-cards.aspx?mk=%2bmommy+%2bcards&ad=b&GP=12%2f1%2f2011+12%3a12%3a30+AM&GPS=2264385970&GNF=0&GPLSID=
No, these are not the sort of thing you send to your mother on her birthday. Rather, they are a business card-like construct that lists all the information you would need to set up a playdate. To view examples, see the link below.
I think these cards only serve to further blur the line between motherhood and a traditional career. While I can see the usefulness in them to a certain extent, I actually also find them a bit offensive. There is a large part of me that would like to establish an identity for myself outside of my home and family life. Being known to the world at large as "Mom of So-and-so" doesn't exactly aid in that effort. I guess my true source of discomfort with this "Mommy Card" phenomenon is that it seems like just another way to inflict guilt on us career-minded mothers. They seem to indicate that our kids should be our careers, our business, our lives. Is it so wrong for me to want more than that?
http://www.vistaprint.com/mommy-cards.aspx?mk=%2bmommy+%2bcards&ad=b&GP=12%2f1%2f2011+12%3a12%3a30+AM&GPS=2264385970&GNF=0&GPLSID=
Monday, November 28, 2011
What about the parents?
As our media has been flooded with news of horrifying abuse claims against university coaches, I feel that one key aspect of the equation has been left unexamined--the involvement of the parents.
ABC News, along with many other news outlets, recently published an interview with the mother of one of the alleged Sandusky victims in which it was revealed that she had allowed her son to stay overnight at Sandusky's home (see link below). Similarly, one of the alleged victims in the Bernie Fine/Syracuse scandal claimed that he was abused while staying in Fine's hotel room while on an out-of-town trip with the team.
While the actions of these men, if true, are beyond reprehensible, I am concerned that virtually none of the spotlight is falling on the parents. What in heaven's name were they thinking in allowing their young children to stay overnight in the company of someone who was not a relative?? In fact, in each of these cases, the accused was barely more than an acquaintance. In Bernie Fine's case, he allegedly had met his most recent accuser only once before inviting him to come on the road with the team. I understand that both of these men at one point had solid reputations and were probably household names in their respective communities. I can even imagine that the fact that they had taken an interest in these children may have been a source of pride for the parents. However, in my mind that does not excuse the obvious lack of judgment they displayed by allowing their children to be alone with these men.
The legal notion of causation comes to mind. Is it possible to say that "but for" the parents allowing these overnight visits, such abuse would not have taken place? Probably not, but I still feel as though the parents should face some responsibility for the role they've played in what happened to their children. If an obese 8-year old can be removed from his home because of his parents' negligence in managing his diet, shouldn't these parents face similar consequences?
http://abcnews.go.com/US/penn-state-scandal-mother-victim-son-afraid-sandusky/story?id=14930219
http://news.yahoo.com/obese-third-grader-taken-mom-placed-foster-care-201731761.html
ABC News, along with many other news outlets, recently published an interview with the mother of one of the alleged Sandusky victims in which it was revealed that she had allowed her son to stay overnight at Sandusky's home (see link below). Similarly, one of the alleged victims in the Bernie Fine/Syracuse scandal claimed that he was abused while staying in Fine's hotel room while on an out-of-town trip with the team.
While the actions of these men, if true, are beyond reprehensible, I am concerned that virtually none of the spotlight is falling on the parents. What in heaven's name were they thinking in allowing their young children to stay overnight in the company of someone who was not a relative?? In fact, in each of these cases, the accused was barely more than an acquaintance. In Bernie Fine's case, he allegedly had met his most recent accuser only once before inviting him to come on the road with the team. I understand that both of these men at one point had solid reputations and were probably household names in their respective communities. I can even imagine that the fact that they had taken an interest in these children may have been a source of pride for the parents. However, in my mind that does not excuse the obvious lack of judgment they displayed by allowing their children to be alone with these men.
The legal notion of causation comes to mind. Is it possible to say that "but for" the parents allowing these overnight visits, such abuse would not have taken place? Probably not, but I still feel as though the parents should face some responsibility for the role they've played in what happened to their children. If an obese 8-year old can be removed from his home because of his parents' negligence in managing his diet, shouldn't these parents face similar consequences?
http://abcnews.go.com/US/penn-state-scandal-mother-victim-son-afraid-sandusky/story?id=14930219
http://news.yahoo.com/obese-third-grader-taken-mom-placed-foster-care-201731761.html
Saturday, November 26, 2011
"The New Domesticity"
I just read this article in the Washington Post (see link below) that sums up the inner struggle I've been having for the past few months. As a stay-at-home mom with a law degree, I've given a lot of thought to the career vs. family debate and am still no closer to a happy medium than I was when I started.
The article raises some interesting points for me, namely because I am one of the people it references--someone who is concerned about the source and quality of the products I consume. This means that I find myself doing things I previously would have scoffed at, like baking a pumpkin pie from scratch. In part, it does give me more control over the quality of the ingredients used, but it also creates some inner turmoil. I often wonder what happened to that budding feminist that I was in college. The girl who wanted to be a power player in international relations or become a U.S. Senator. Where did she go? She's in the kitchen making her own organic baby food.
I've become that type of woman that Betty Friedan wrote about and who I never thought I would be. Part of me feels as though I should be proud of my growing domestic skills, but more of me still believes that, as James Brown once said, "It's a Man's World" and in such a world, value is measured by the size of the salary you draw in. If I'm not contributing financially, then I'm not contributing. I can't tell you how many times people have asked me how my job prospects are looking. And yet, if I were to take on a full-time job, I'm sure peoples' concerns would shift to my family life--how am I able to find the time to work and still care for a household? It's a truly vicious circle that only we women will have to experience.
Maybe the "new" domesticity isn't new at all. Maybe we just fooled ourselves into thinking that we could actually leave it behind.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-new-domesticity-fun-empowering-or-a-step-back-for-american-women/2011/11/18/gIQAqkg1vN_story_2.html
The article raises some interesting points for me, namely because I am one of the people it references--someone who is concerned about the source and quality of the products I consume. This means that I find myself doing things I previously would have scoffed at, like baking a pumpkin pie from scratch. In part, it does give me more control over the quality of the ingredients used, but it also creates some inner turmoil. I often wonder what happened to that budding feminist that I was in college. The girl who wanted to be a power player in international relations or become a U.S. Senator. Where did she go? She's in the kitchen making her own organic baby food.
I've become that type of woman that Betty Friedan wrote about and who I never thought I would be. Part of me feels as though I should be proud of my growing domestic skills, but more of me still believes that, as James Brown once said, "It's a Man's World" and in such a world, value is measured by the size of the salary you draw in. If I'm not contributing financially, then I'm not contributing. I can't tell you how many times people have asked me how my job prospects are looking. And yet, if I were to take on a full-time job, I'm sure peoples' concerns would shift to my family life--how am I able to find the time to work and still care for a household? It's a truly vicious circle that only we women will have to experience.
Maybe the "new" domesticity isn't new at all. Maybe we just fooled ourselves into thinking that we could actually leave it behind.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-new-domesticity-fun-empowering-or-a-step-back-for-american-women/2011/11/18/gIQAqkg1vN_story_2.html
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